I Get no Respect on Dating Sites!

January 5, 2012

Dear Molly,
I’m a guy in his late 40s, educated, ok to look at and have a lot to offer a great girl. I put a profile up on a dating site and here’s my issue. Why are girls so rude? They want respect but won’t return e-mails. I take the time to write thoughtful messages and either get the “no thanks, not interested” mail, or nothing at all. Why don’t they give the same respect back to us? I think a large percentage (over 90%) just want to e-mail and pass time.
Signed,
No respect.

Dear No Respect,
I’m getting a lot of e-mails about dating sites so it’s obviously a common issue. Anytime you have a forum where there are only written words combined with unknown expectations there is a breakdown in communication. This holds true for relationships between people who try to communicate through texting.
My advice is this: look at it as an opportunity to “speed date”. A profile is only as good as how many people see it….right? This is a numbers game. If you are looking for one woman then focus on that and don’t pay attention as to who is or is not responding. Do not try and analyze what women are thinking (better luck learning a new language).
Try to refrain from long messages as your first introduction. Just send a quick hello (one or two sentences about why you liked her profile) and let it go. If she’s interested she will respond, if not go next. This is not an emotional connection you are making; it is simply a quick introduction to let her know you are interested. Don’t emotionalize it or you’ll be driven crazy. This is not a respect issue, internet dating allows for a certain amount of detachment which is acceptable. Not responding is the norm.
According to Online Dating Magazine, they estimate “more than 20 million people a month visit online dating services,” and that for every 20 emails you send out only one person will respond on average. So you are not alone is your quest, nor your frustration. Lighten the process up, take it in stride and at the very least you will relieve some stress in your life.
I would take a second look at your profile and make sure it projects your true authentic self, and who you are looking for. Make sure you have an updated photo. Ask a friend to look at it and give you some constructive criticism. Have fun with it, but I would suggest join a group which involves an activity you like. There at least you will meet people who you share something in common, www.meetup.com may be a good place to start.
~Molly

Readers: Should he be upset by women not responding? Any advice as to how our reader should detach from the process?

Molly is a writer and business professional with years of experience in finance, business development and management. Her lifelong passion and learning has been focused on the understanding and complexity of relationships as well as effective communication. Originally from Texas she has lived in many cities including St. Louis and Portland finally settling in Boston where she raised her family and received her education in Business Administration. She is now living in Texas with her family and is excited to be home. Catch her daily relationship and advice column “Molly Mason- Let’s Talk Love” on www.austin.com and “Straight Talk” in print. You can contact Molly at mollymason.st@gmail.com.
“For me to be back home is a dream come true. “Molly Mason- Straight Talk” is a way for me to promote my belief that we must first come from a place of love in our relationships. When we do this authentically then no matter what the outcome, we know it was evolved from the best intentions”
~ Molly

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